Internet Hating

I received this email from a fellow on OkCupid a couple of weeks ago. The subject line was simple 'Really?'. 

I presume he took offense to parts of my profile, because he not only apparently failed to read any of it but also surmised incorrectly that I am a hipster. This may be based on the strength of my preference for left wing men with beards and/or drinking tea. I would say that I'm not a hipster - but then, don't they all deny it? What I am is feisty, and I didn't take kindly to receiving this:

"Don't be fooled, the beardy, fixie-riding vegan novelist is every bit as vain as his Ed Hardy wearing douchebag counterpart. In fact I'd say our man-tanned friend is actually less of a hypocrite.


Look, I think hipsters are full of it more often than not, but you're smart and pretty and I do dig that. In case you don't recognise it, that's what's known as 'sincerity'."

I admit, I wasn't sure how to respond. What kind of person thinks a vague stab at insulting someone is the way to their heart? In his profile, he waxes lyrical about the careful grooming of his stubble, his attraction to noted anal pornstar Belladonna and his ability to 'get women to tell him things they don't want to'. Aha! I thought. I've got your number...

I wasn't going to respond, because frankly I involve myself in far too many internet slanging matches as it is. But I couldn't let it go because I am what my father has always referred to as 'incorrigible'. Thus, I just penned this response:

"I hate fixie bikes and find veganism highly unappealing. Don't assume I'm not interested in you because I can't recognise 'sincerity' or the winsome qualities of a scooter riding wikipedia addict with carefully tended stubble.


It's more likely due to the fact that you're an arrogant twat who thinks insulting women is a unique and clever way to pique their interest. I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark here and say that you own a well thumbed copy of The Game.


The beardy, fixie-riding vegan novelist may be every bit as vain as his Ed Hardy wearing douchebag counterpart, but men like you are every bit as predictable as the scores of other Neil Strauss wannabes running around the place.


Thank you very very much for finding me smart and pretty enough to set aside your disdain for 'hipsters', but I think I'll pass.


Oh, and in case you didn't recognise it, that's what's known as 'pwnage'."

ZING! Internet dating, why o why do I always return to you? For moments like these.

In other news, I know it's been a long long long long stupidly long time since updating here but I shall be moving this site in the very near future to its own domain. My theory is that if I have a professional website I may be inspired to actually do something resembling professional work. I look forward to seeing if I can fulfil my own potential, or if I shall have to fire me and employ someone else to live my life more efficiently.

The new website address shall be http://clementineford.com.au. It was meant to be a www address, but I forgot to put that in when registering so we are clearly off to a bang up start.